asker

oneoflittleharmony asked: Since there is no more bilddagboken or tumblr, were do I go for my biweekly Wavex fix?

Instagram, even though I hardly ever post pictures of myself, except in the gym. On bulk right now. I’ll be better when I start my deff and even more so when im finnished in august.

Relapse

Relapse

The end?

So… I’ve removed pretty much all the people I followed. They weren’t many to begin with but… for what reason do I keep my tumblr? I think I might shut it down. Another step on the road to becoming whole perhaps?

Haircut.

Haircut.

Today

I’ve been feeling alright, been able to fight thoughts pretty good and strenghtened my resolve to fix my life. But today I havn’t been alone much, having people around helps a lot.

I’ve thought of another thing I have to work with. My urge to help people and take care of them. This is a good thing but I can’t fix everyones problems, especially not when I havn’t fixed my own yet. People need to work out their own solutions. I will however still try to be there as support.

There’s one more thing but I don’t really feel like writing about it for everyones eyes to see. So… you wont get to see it. Ha! Or something.

Later.

So this is my TT after my break, mini bulk and then coming back to where I was before christmas in stenght. Looking forward to the deff.

So this is my TT after my break, mini bulk and then coming back to where I was before christmas in stenght. Looking forward to the deff.

It’s scary

how just one little text can do so much. It shakes your resolve, changes everything, makes you weak, makes you forget all the things that made you want to move on just a second before that silent vibration touched your phone. Fuck…

asker

Anonymous asked: awh :( I'm sure you'll get through this though! I know you will (: Good luck n_n

Thanks.

asker

Anonymous asked: Apparently lots of exercise makes testosterone/endorphins be released making you hornier, do you think that may be a reason as to why you like sex a lot? You do work out heaps >.<

No, I wouldn’t blame exercise. I’ve had this problem for much longer. If anything exercise probably helps, cause it gives the same stimulance in some ways. When im on a break, its harder to controll my sex drive.

Tiny little steps

So last night after being emo I decided to start doing more, as much as I could. So… I deleted all my texts and pictures of noughtyness from my phone. Then I started deleting phone numbers. This however took too long and I had to stop, I got tired. Im now finnished with the numbers aswell. From 700+ down to 148. Go me.

The emptyness has slowly started to shift to some kind of confidence. This is what my body does, to make me start thinking I’ve got controll, that i’ll be able to meet women without going all crazy and wanting sex. Well shame on you body! Shame on you for trying to decive me like that. I’ve got no controll what so ever.

Whats more is, im supposed to meet a friend today. She’s beautiful, kind, funny and you know, all that attractive stuff. Hands in my pockets. I should be able to manage today, that back stabbing confidence isn’t over level 9000 just yet.

"I felt like destroying something beautiful"

Little did I know, I destroyed everything I love.

So, what’s new. Feeling empty: check! I pretty much just want to run away right now. Yesterday we had this family dinner. I hardly spoke a word. That’s not like me but even though they noticed they were kind enough not to ask.

Im gonna step away from all sexual contacts for a while, until im “fixed”. I wonder how long that’ll take. Not really looking forward to the cool down.

I’ve been reading this book about how traumas while growing up (and after) sculpture you later in life. I’ve found a few answers i’ll be able to work with but im not really sure how, havn’t read that part yet.

What to do. My mind is blank. Im not looking forward to anything. I dont have anythere I want to go, just places I dont want to be.

How the fuck did I turn emo? What’s wrong with me? Where’s the happy Felix im supposed to be? I never cared about anything before and now suddenly, I care about everything. When did I start having the need to be liked?

After rain, there is no sunshine, just pubbles for you step in?

(via evalotta)